An old friend...

I recently had an old friend try to get in touch. She would pop up every now and then, but I managed to fob her off as I was mostly in a good place and actually didn’t want to engage. She then became more persistent and, over a few weeks, wore me down. Finally, we met. As had always been the case when we’d previously met, I was now in a bad place — filled with self-loathing and recrimination about everything in my life that I was making a monstrous mess of. She, of course, compounded the situation by reminding me that my life was of my own making and that I had no one else to blame other than my poor judgement and ill-timed decisions.

My inner critic hasn’t been this loud or in control of my thoughts for a long time. I realise now that the red flags have been flying high, but I chose to push forward rather than address the growing, gnawing pit in my stomach. I have a pretty robust framework in place for my mental and physical health — from HRT to getting outside, training sessions, and eating good food. But I’m not infallible.

My job exposes me to endless hours on social media, I’m recently an empty nester as a single parent with no family in the UK, and not one area of my life is on solid ground without me being the engine and driving force to keep things moving. I have much to be grateful for, but the vulnerability of not feeling enough in any area of my life is a harsh master — and one that, when left unchecked, comes raging forth.

Our inner critic often resurfaces when we’re emotionally stretched, leaving us vulnerable. Our nervous system signals overwhelm, and our mind defaults to old survival patterns. The key isn’t to banish the critic, but to get curious about what it’s trying to protect you from and to meet it with compassion instead of judgement. This last part is challenging for me right now, but accepting that is the first step.

Moving forward, it’s about checking in regularly rather than pushing through on autopilot. I’ve built a powerful foundation of habits that support me most of the time, so now I need to double down on that emotional scaffolding. For me, that means no phone before 9 am or after 8 p.m., no alcohol while I'm feeling fragile, being in bed by 10:30, and daily 15-minute meditations. It may seem like a lot, but the alternative is just not an option I am willing to give energy to.

I share this with you because I want you to know you are not alone. This time of life is tough and relentless if we let it be. If you also find yourself with your inner critic loud and your nervous system elevated, know that you have levers you can pull to lessen the overwhelm. Remember that your emotions are valid and by recognising them as part of your human experience, you will create space for healing and growth.